Cracker Better Show Some Caution: A Review Of Honky Holocaust

 Exploitation movies are awesome. Gritty, perverse, excessive. a well made (or even better shitily done) exploitation movie is one of the most honest forms of entertainment in existence. They’re outlandish, exaggerated and serve little purpose other then to fulfill our base desire to gawk at and/or root for the most caricatured heroes and villains ever to exist. Two types of exploitation tend to get me going better then any others, blaxploitation and naziploitation. While we HAVE had a black nazi film with The Black Gestapo, we’ve never had what most of us have been calling for for a very very long time: A Nazis vs. Black guys exploitation movie! Well the wait is over. filmmaker Paul M McAlarney heard our cry and created Honky Holocaust and we here at B-is For Best were lucky enough to be given  an exclusive screener ..but can it live up to the decades old demand?

HONKY HOLOCAUST brings us to an alternate reality where against all odds Charles Manson and his family succeeded in bringing on Helter Skelter. The family took up residence in the center of the earth where they stayed for many years. Manson himself died due to medical issues but not before having a daughter named Kendra and passing power down to a successor even worse then himself,Dan. After receiving a prophetic dream from Manson, Dan rallies up the family and re-ascends into the outside world. Unfortunately for The Mansons the race war went much farther then they had anticipated and only the worst, most racist black folks imaginable have prospered,pushing the whites into a state of extreme poverty, segregation and subhuman treatment worse then America has ever seen. Enraged, Dan and his group plan to wage a final battle..but things get further complicated when Kendra discovers the dishonesty she was raised on since birth.

Simultaneously gleefully amped up and over the top and effectively dramatic and believable, HONKY HOLOCAUST is a mind blowing in your face look at the dangers of reverse racism and it’s very probable outcome that comes across as the film that IGOR AND THE LUNATICS wishes it was!

One thing that director Paul M McAlarney  managed to incorporate into this film that is missed in most modern exploitation was social commentary. Taking this route really could have gone either way, especially since we’re talking about racial relations here, something that the public has been having anal orgasms over for the last 4 years in growing frequency. Thankfully the ballsy move really paid off here, creating a film that not only serves as a kickass roller coaster ride with plenty of things to make us both squirm and laugh but also as a film that can make us think.

The acting here was a huge point in the film’s favor. Each character is played a bit off kilter and cartoonish sure, but also believable and straight faced. In particular the characters of Kendra and Dan shine the most. Kendra makes for a great reluctant anti-hero, starting her screen life as a doe eyed empty headed princess, as close to a blank slate as one can be and still be breathing. After her realization we see Kendra take on a righteous anger, unforgiving and deadly as she turns on her own in disgust and rage. Dan works for the exact oppisite reason. Here we have a character so sure of himself that there is literally no doubt in his mind that his views are without error. He has no fear and is so blind in his devoutness to his now dead leader that he believes he cannot fail which makes him all the more imposing as a villain.

The gore here was…hilarious. I can’t lie and say it was all that believable, but the cheap nature and “fuck it let the seams show” approach really worked well with the whole project kept in mind the old school films it was winking at.

The cinematography appears to be mid level digital but with a nice off yellow hue to it that reminded me alot of I Spit On Your Grave.

Overall I give HONKY HOLOCAUST two middle fingers chopped off and sanded to the bone. It’s goofy, it’s engaging, everything is done exactly as it should be.  If you’re a fan of the exploitation sub genre and want something that’s not only wild but actually good I’d highly recommend giving thi

s one a shot.

GORY GUTS AND GOOFINESS PT4: A Quintuple Review Of THE REDWOOD MASSACRE, THE DEMON’S ROOK,FRESH MEAT,COLLAR, And SKINLESS

 

Before anyone asks, we’re skipping over Gory Guts and Goofiness part 3 pt.2 because of some difficulties I had with the discs for that review. I wound up with R-rated versions of quite a few of the films due to some truly shady Amazon sellers and let’s just say that instead of Gory Guts and Goofiness the review would have had to have been re-titled Shitty Crap and Poopiness.(Isn’t sophomoric humor fun!)

Luckily this month has been great for multiple releases that ANYTHING but censored, beginning with a wonderful little throwback slasher flick from director , David Ryan Keith (creator of Attack Of The Herbals), the first Scottish Slasher film I’ve ever seen, THE REDWOOD MASSACRE.

THE REDWOOD MASSACRE introduces a group of 20-somethings thrill seekers who head out to the redwood forest to visit a notorious murder house where several years before a lumberjack lost his mind, murdering his entire family before disappearing. Their hope is to use the site of this tragedy to have fun scaring each other and also to “honor” the memory of the gruesome event..Too bad for them the scares become a little too real when the killer returns and starts hacking through them with a brutal ferocity!

Gruesomely great, terrifically twisted and gory to the nth degree, The Redwood Massacre is a true to form throwback to the hey day of the Slasher genre, bitch slapping wannabe bubblegum pop  contenders like Scream off their pedestals and resurrecting the stalk and slash in an epic way that I haven’t seen in at least 15 years! It’s The Town That Dreaded Sundown meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre with a healthy dollap of Violent Shit.

The story here is a fairly basic set up, but with an origin story that marks our resident slasher as a particularly nasty one. Afterall, even Jason loved his Mommy, even Leatherface had family values, the Redwood Slasher is a merciless, truly evil killing machine, having him kill his own family (including his kids) built him up as truly and purely evil and in an age of sympathetic killers that’s exactly what we needed to see.

The acting here was what you’d expect from a slasher film, a bit hammy, but I must say, in the case of this film the acting was much better then I’ve come to expect from Slashers. More akin to what we saw with The Burning, campy, but damn good. I can’t honestly say that I rooted for any of the victims..but let’s be honest here no one really does. It’s all about watching obnoxious, spoiled, heartless assholes torn apart and this one delivers! Yes the characters are shit heads but that just makes it more fun to watch them get taken out, plus we know who the real star is, let”s talk about the killer!

Clad in a simple, yet effective attire of work stained overalls and plaid shirt, topped with a moldy looking face formed burlap scarecrow’s head for a mask and standing at an rather impressive height as well as the appropriate girth of a real lumberjack, The Redwood Slasher is a genuinely intimidating killer. Best of all he doesn’t move like a robot. He’s alternates between the calm slow movements to the viper fast axe strikes with ease. This guy is human and that makes him all the more scary! He reminded me alot of the original Hillbilly Jason. Human and mortal but too damn crazy to give a fuck!

The kills on display here are a far cry from the quick stab, mouth blood cutaways typical modern slashers have been giving us lately. Here the killer takes his time and his victims don’t die easy. If you don’t like gore you’ll want to steer clear of this one because it’s got truck loads and no guts, severed limbs, bones or cartridge is spared. This is also where I detected a fair amount of dark humor from the Director, turning taking the cliche’ of one hit kills and turning it on it’s head by making the victims just as hard to kill as the killer is. Best of all, all the kills were practical and the gore is pretty damn flawless (in part due to some pretty damn ingenuous lighting techniques)

The cinematography here appeared to high grad Digital but with some awesome era appropriate framing and angles that reminded me quite a bit of Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Halloween. I’m going to commit Slasher blasphemy and just put this out there, the way this thing is shot is quite a bit better then any Friday the 13th after part 1..Now to be fair the filmmakers here had alot of time to study plenty of Slashers and see what worked and what didn’t but I think we can all agree the pans and cuts here are smoother then Debbie Rochon’s ass!

Overall I give this film two middle fingers chopped off and sanded to the bone. I hope to see alot more slashers from David Ryan Keith, this guy knows his stuff!

The next few films we’ll be discussing were sent over by Tribeca Films and are flicks I quite looked forward to checking out.

First we’ll take a look at the award winning practical effects driven film from Director James Sizemore, THE DEMON’S ROOK

THE DEMON’S ROOK  Introduces Rosco a talented young boy who befriends an ancient demon, eventually descending into the underworld for many years. Rosco is far from alone when he returns to Earth as a man. Along for the ride are the most evil of the demons and the legion of the undead they control! Now it’s up to Rosco and his childhood friend Eva to save not only themselves but the world are large!

 

Dark, permeating and undeniably gorgeous, THE DEMON”S ROOK is a rare gem that blends wondrous fantasy, stark terror and gallons of gore to perfection, coming across as Hellraiser meets Bone Sickness meets the Guyver meets Faust!

 

The acting here was a huge selling point for me, coming across as very theatrical but manages to curb the cheesiness, playing things straight. Rosco in particular was of interest, bringing high drama and hyper expressiveness as well as presenting himself as a man child in an amazing way.

 

The story here was also quite impressive, managing to incorporate numerous layers involving multiple locations and situations while never losing focus and manages to bring things together very well. The amount of directing  skill that went into this thing gave me one hell of a level of respect for James Sizemore!

 

The effects here were amazing, from the demon  and zombie makeup to the background of hell and even some things as simple as smoke everything was practical and done very well. A special care was taken to give everything a very fantastic quality that brought to mind films from my youth like The Black Crystal, Legend and the original Hellrasier. The gore was heavy without being cartoonish and the demons on display here will have you clamoring for a sequel just to see more of them.

The cinematography, while appearing to be midlevel digital video had a very film-like quality and the utilization of colored lighting really took me back to the joy I felt while watching the surreal films of Dario Argento when I was a kid.

 

Overall I give this film 2 middle fingers chopped off and sanded to the bone, I must say this is my favorite demon film in a very long time and the sub genre needs alot more like this one. I highly recommend it.

The next film we’ll be discussing is a brilliantly crafted little social satire that looks at the monsters who hide behind upper class Suburban life entitled Fresh Meat.

FRESH MEAT introduces a not so skilled group of criminals known as the Tans. After an almost completely botched and extremely violent prison van break to release one of their members the group decides they need to hole up for awhile and select the home of a wealthy celebrity chef and her Historical author Husband. That’s when things begin to take a turn for the worst for the would be hostage takers. The Cranes are far from the normal suburbanites that they appear and it soon becomes apparent that they managed to trap themselves in a house with some Suburban cannibals. When the Police finally do arrive..who will they protect?

A wild darkly funny jab at peoples’ obsession with embracing ones’ culture as well a great comedy of errors, Fresh Meat is what you’d get if you mixed together Bad Vs. Worse, Killers, and Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner!

The acting here was a pleasant surprise, with all of the characters having a flourish that made them stand out in equal force..However I must say my absolute favorite here was Remi (the head of the household of cannibals) His manic energy and ability to go from calm and composed intellectual to raving lunatic is extravagant to say the very least.  Rina (Remi’s daughter) was another favorite of mine, as she was the film’s only “straight character” (Ironic considering the subplot involving her lesbianism) and she manages to stay logical and relatively in control throughout the madness. Strong female leads like hers are unfortunately a dying trend, even Horror films so it was refreshing to have a little girl power in this one.

The gore here was alot of fun, not the most excessive but then again to go any further would have negated the comedic elements which were the most important. That’s not to say that there isn’t gore, trust me, any fan of splatter will find something to enjoy here. Most of the effects were practical with a few CG touch ups here and there. I would have preferred purely practical but I understand why CG was necessary where they used it so I really can’t hold that against them.

Overall I give this film no middle fingers up. If you’re looking for a dark comedy with balls then I’d highly recommend you give this one a shot.

The last few films we’ll be discussing were sent over by our good friends at MVD and are coming from a few of the many companies they distribute for.

First from Unearthed Films we have the warped vision that is COLLAR from Director Ryan Nicholson (who brought us Hanger among others)

COLLAR brings us into the underbelly of a city rotting from the inside out. This is where we meet a demented giant with a vile past named Massive. Broken as a child and rebuilt as a force of evil, Massive spends his time raping and murdering men and women. A bit of a slip up occurs when he captures, tortures and rapes a local hooker named Rachel and lets her escape. Rachel gets stopped by the fuzz and a female officer named Dana sets out to stop Massive but soon becomes Massive’s favorite play thing herself. Now Rachel’s pimp, and  a local bum fight recorder are all out to get Massive but they’re all about to find out they have one hell of a battle cut out for them!

I’ve seen quite a few movies that sell themselves as modern day exploitation but I really have to say, this is the first that I received in a very long time that completely nails it. This is Hobo With A Shotgun meets I Spit On Your Grave meets August Underground meets Cherry Bomb. It’s the type of film that kicks your teeth down your fuckin’ throat and demands that you love it..and I’ll be damned if I didn’t!

The acting here is downright wonderful with each character coming across as gritty, flawed and perfectly human in their own way. The role of massive is downright unsettling. Here we have a man whose apparent autism, upbringing on a warped and abusive version of Catholicism and sheer size and strength has created one of the most fucked up movie monsters I’ve ever encountered.

Even as fucked up as Massive is though, Steven (the bum fight recorder) is much, much worse. Here we have a “normal” person who encourages and exploits those who are at their lowest. He sees Massive as nothing but a cash cow and the suffering og his victims as nothing but pay checks. His inclusion in the story was a masterful move, illustrating that as twisted and fucked up as a human soul can be there’s always another that is worse.

Rachael was another character that stood out quite a bit. Strong, decisive and resilient, Rachael represents the other side of the spectrum. She shows that someone can be mistreated beat down and crushed and still have their heart in the right place. She may do it for selfish reasons but she stands as the hero rather then just another villain.

The gore on display here surprised the shit out of me. Considering this is more exploitation then it is Horror they could have easily skipped on the gore and been alright but hell no! From evisceration to eye gouging with a cattle prod to heart eating this thing threw enough gore on us to make Jeffery Dahmer blush and it’s all practical and all done with a craft and precision that would make Peter Jackson proud!

The cinematography here utilized a dark, bleached and dirty look that seemed to aim more for how exploitation would look today then how it did in the 70’s and 80’s. There was none of that “aging” effect crap we see so much today, and trust me this worked much better then any effect could have.

I give this film two entire hands chopped off sanded down, sewed back on and chopped off again. It’s beyond classic I cannot recommend it enough and I very much look forward to seeing more from Director Ryan Nicholson.

 

The next film we’ll be talking about is one I’ve been waiting to see for quite sometime..actually it’s from a Director who’s work I’ve wanted to review for awhile, Dustin Wayde Mills. About a year ago I attempted to review one of Dustin’s films (Easter Casket) but was unable to due to the problems I tend to have streaming feature length films (I live in a rural area so that tends to be a killer for me) This film (originally entitled The Ballad Of Skinless Pete) is a fun little wink at the body horror genre of the past entitled Skinless

SKINLESS introduces Dr.Pete Peele, a medical researcher who develops an enzyme meant to destroy cancerous cells and regenerate damaged ones after he himself develops skin cancer. When the medical authorities refuse his request to begin immediate testing he decides to test the enzyme on himself resulting and a grotesque and wondrous transformation not just to physicality but to his mind!

Gory, raunchy and playfully campy, Skinless is a cartoonishly grotesque insanity trip that plays out like Hollowman meets The Incredible Melting Man, meets Body Melt.

The story here reminded me quite a bit of an old EC comic, focusing purely on the character’s transformation and wasting little time on anything else. This might have been a problem if it weren’t for the charismatic performances from everyone involved and the cheesy yet wonderfully gross makeup effects.

The characters here were very well played, this is where this thing would have been a disaster if lesser actors had been employed as there was really only two characters on display (other then a few who were more props then characters) However a small cast worked wonderful here.  Pete himself with his quick mood changes and eradicate movements made the perfect mad scientist, bringing to mind Herbert West from the Re-animator series with his nerdy but nuts performance.

Acting opposite him is the calm and concerned Dr. Alice Cross, Pete’s lab assistant and longtime friend. Watching her concern degrade first into disgust and then deeply routed fear of her quickly transforming friend is quite the interesting metamorphosis in and of itself and her presence adds all the more humanity and sympathetic elements to our title character.

The gore here is heavy handed and on the cartoonish side,,but damn effective and alot of fun and likely made to be campy on purpose. Trust me when I tell you that this one doesn’t skip on blood and viscera. We get plenty of skin melting, body morphing goodness and if you’re sensitive you may want to grab a barf bag!

Overall I give this one 2 middle fingers chopped off and sanded to the bone, if you love a nice dose of silly with your splatter like I do I highly recommend checking this one out.

If you’re looking to pick up some Dustin Mills madness now is the best time because a buy one get one sale is going on until the end of this week! http://dmp.storenvy.com/collections/908718-halloween-2014-sale

 

Well that’s all we’ve got for you this time around Gorehounds, but if this month is a fruitful in the old splat and spray as last month was expect part 5 soon.

 

 

FUNNYBONE MASSACRE: A Quadrupple Review Of: MUTANTIS, JUNKBUCKET, JUNK BONDS, and WITCHING AND BITCHING

 

Horror is a genre that has taken quite a licking. From the massive banning in the 70’s and 80’s and dismissal by the critics, to the complete castration caused by sleek, mainstream crap like Scream and I know What You Did Last Summer.  It is also a resilient genre that always lives on in the indie world, growing, evolving and changing shape. As much as I love straight forward, frightening horror I must admit, as time goes on I find myself being drawn into the funnier side of the genre. Horror Comedies (when done right) offer up the shocks and cartoonish violence I desire while also offering up the laughs I need in a continuously more depressing world. Today we’ll take a look at some of the best of the best of the sub-genre.

 

The first film we’ll discuss comes from our long time friends over at Dire Wit films, the mastermind weirdos behind the creation of fictional Italian Director Antonello Giallo and his hysterical psycho-sexual “horror films” Pleasures Of The Damned and Isle Of The Damned (as well as the amazing and hard hitting 7Th Day) This marks the first Antonello film not to feature our beloved detective Jack Steele and also marks the directorial debut of Kelly Fitzgerald. I was a bit hesitant about this one (I’m a huge Jack fan and I was at first saddened by his absence) but boy did I have no reason to be!

MUTANTIS begins in the late 60’s a time where dangerous “free love” and rampant use of dangerous drugs like marijuana threatened to destroy society as we knew it and the industrialization of our beautiful country left toxic waste being poured everywhere and anywhere. An abomination has been born due to the folly of man, a monster so terrifying, so brutal, so horny, merely looking at it would cause explosive diarea, madness and even..tennis elbow! Sex crazed immoral scientist Father Joy has brought his teenage step children Cindy and Dennis, along with Cindy’s friend Laura out into the woods to locate the creature (whom he believes to be the legendary bigfoot) Hiring on a crew of rednecks to aid him and stumbling upon a husband and wife scientist who’s help he also enlists, Father Joy will use all of them as cannon fodder if that’s what it takes to succeed and receive the ill founded fame he so desires. Soon though, the rampant sex and drugs the two girls get involved with when the stumble upon a gang of hippies, will awaken the blood and bodily fluid crazed monster and no one (‘s anus or vagina) will be safe!

Gross, playfully offensive and gleefully ludicrous, Mutantis is one of the most idiotic things I’ve ever seen in my entire life..so of course I fuckin’ love it!

Mutantis does the unthinkable, tossing together a 60’s creature feature with a 70’s Italian film and more genital mutilation then a Saudi Arabian courtroom to give us what may just be the best damn Dire Wit film ever!

 

The acting here is of the typical Dire Wit films variety, purposely hammy and cartoonishly bad, you’ll either love it or despise it, however if you despise it chances are you’re on the wrong damn website right now.

 

My favorite character here was Dennis, obviously played by a woman with a bad fake mustache, “his” whiny, ultra moralistic attitude made him come across as a bizzare, yet effective mixture of Beaver Cleaver and Joe Dirt. He was so out of place among the rest of these weirdos that his mere presence made for comedic gold, especially in the “masturbation is for gays” scenes that permeated the feature.

 

The monster here was what really sold this thing for me. I’d bet my bottom dollar that this thing was a wink at cult classic shitfest Blood Beast (a movie about a man turning into a vamperic turkey due to chemically enhanced turkey..not kidding) as it looked like someone made a bad pineata version of a cross between a turkey, a lizard and a lobster and shoved a drunk guy in it! Flesh that out with a leaky penis that slides out of a Venus fly trap vagina and WE HAVE A WINNA!

The gore here was even more over the top and cheesy then the other two entries in the series, a bit on the lighter side then other two in my opinion but that seemed somehow fitting as this is the 60’s rather then the 70’s or 80’s, and narry a shitty CG effect can be found which was a breath of fresh air.

 

The score brought back immensely talented Paul Joyce who’s work in 7th Day, Isle Of The Damned, and Father’s Day (just to name a few) have already made him my favorite modern day composer. This time around Joyce blew my mind even further by creating a score that managed to blend and mix styles that I would have thought impossible, picture Sergei Prokofiev meets James Lynch meets John Williams meets Lips Inc. and you’ll have an idea but trust me this has to be heard to be believed.

 

The DVD also featured some great features such as Bloopers, a fun little short about a Mime in an abusive relationship, and commentary but my favorite feature was the hysterical little video of Mark Leake reading some assholes’ comments on previous Dire Wit films that played on Netflix. Watching him smile and politely address these cockfaces really cracked me up and this alone made this DVD worth picking up.

 

Overall I give this film 2 middle fingers chopped off and sanded to the bone, it’s a must have for anyone with a love for bad movies and a sense of humor. I seriously hope they really make City of The Damned..AND BRING BACK JACK DAMN IT!

 

Most killers go for the head, the neck or even the guts but the next two films we’ll be discussing follow a killer who goes for some much more delicate bits and pieces..Oh that’s right, guard your wedding tackle, it’s time for Junkbucket!

JUNKBUCKET Introduces Cassie a young 20 something who has inherited her family cabin out in the middle of nowhere on Lake Pakajanomo. Memories of the place are hardly heartening, as she was attacked by a hideously deformed monster of a man in the surrounding woods when she was a child. Her and her deaf, mute quadriplegic brother and some of her friends decide to head out to the cabin for one last weekend of fun and debauchery before she sells the place. Fun is far from what is about to occur though. The monster she once saw is none other then Junk Bucket, the child of an incestuous rape, his mother castrated him, tossing his genitals into a bucket and leaving him for dead in the woods. Now a hulking maniac, Junkbucket wears that very bucket on his head to cover his repulsive appearance, catching anyone in his path and cutting off their genitals to add to his macabre collection. Cassie and her friends are now on Junkbuckets hunting grounds and their junk is on the menu..Who will survive and what will be left..of their genitals!?

 

Silly, outlandish and surprisingly endearing (for a film about castration) Junkbucket is by far the funniest Friday The 13th part 3 parody featuring a rampaging mongoloid eunuch with a bucket on his head that I’ve seen all month!

Rather then take the lazy and more traditional approach of simply copying it’s source material, Stephen Lange instead creates a story all his own while showcasing all the main points of the original material, creating an on key, engaging bizarre little film that’s as fun as it is endearingly repulsive.

 

The acting here was actually quite good, campy yes, but only for the sake of staying true to the movies it lovingly pokes fun at. In particular my favorite character here was Ben, a selfish asshole who actually does what we all say we would if in a slasher situation and gets the fuck out of there!

Junkbucket himself is also worth mentioning, tall slow moving and menacing, he’d actually work quite well as a legitimate slasher if not for the hilarious bucket on his head and cock and balls for his nose and cheeks. I have to commend Lange for the brilliant jab at the ridiculousness of the use of  mundane masks that’s created legends like Jason Voorhees and Michael Myers.

 

The gore here was very silly and cartoonishly fake but if anything this works in the favor of the film which could easily have come across as mean spirited if it was done more realistically.

 

Overall I give this film no middle fingers up, it’s funny, it’s ballsy and it’s legitimately a good flick. I highly recommend giving it a shot.

 

Junkbucket wasn’t done with just one film, and for the second outing..he brought some friends!

JUNK BONDS: The Return Of Junkbucket brings back sole survivor Cassie. Unable to deal with the madness and guilt of surviving the first massacre she’s haunted by endless nightmares until she finds herself kidnapped and once again in the clutches of madness, this time not only with Junkbucket but with his even worse insane adopted family (in a strange coincidence named the Buckets) Now it’s up to her boyfriend and Ben’s stoner brother Matt to stop the penis possessed fucked up family..but it’s Junkbucket’s Birthday and everyone’s invited..at least their lower halfs!

 

A rare case where the sequel soars above the first, Junk Bonds is a dead on, brilliantly crafted Texas Chainsaw Massacre Parody that packs even more laughs then it does lopped of pudding slingers!

 

The acting here was once again very well done, particularly in the case of maniacally energized, animalistic Moseley, who steals the show with his insane antics. Also of note is Matt, who’s child-like yet earnestly friendly presence gives us a character we can really root for…and feel bad for (I’m not telling you why as it’d be a serious spoiler)

 

Junkbucket got an awesome makeover for this one, replacing the simple bucket with a torn and stretched human face covered version.  He’s also given a kick ass bladed club as a signature weapon and his makeup is quite a bit better here.

I had to mention a nice little touch alot of people will likely miss. Continuity issues are mentioned and then simply dismissed in a funny little poke at franchise fuck ups on numerous occasions here. This really tickled me.

The gore here is taken up a notch as well, still coming across as appropriately cheesy and cartoonish but alot more gruesome and effective.

The cinematography had a grainy 16mm appearance (although likely digital film with a filter) that worked very well with the TCM theme and the day setting made for some gorgeous naturally lighted scenes that showcased the scenery to the fullest.

 

Overall I give this film 2 middle fingers chopped off and sanded to the bone. I’m doing everything I can to get this one picked up for wider distribution the world needs a Junkbucket action figure with switchable buckets!

The last film we’ll be discussing was sent our way by the awesome folks at MPI and is being released under their IFC Midnight label. When I saw that the film was from Director Alex De La Iglesia (whom directed the darkly funny, severely fucked up classic The Last Circus) I was stoked. I mean this is a man who can tickle your funny bone with a sharp pike like no other! Not only that but this flick is touching on a topic vastly ignored by the Horror Comedy community for far to long..WITCHES!

WITCHING AND BITCHING focuses on Jose, a desperate and broke divorced Father who’s sick and tired of his bitchy ex-wife demanding alimony and has decided the best solution to his woes is to rob a cash for gold store then take off to France with his son Sergio. Not to miss a day with his son he brings the boy along for the heist and along with Antonio (a stranger and fellow desperate individual) he pulls the thing off (while dressed as a golden Jesus statue and Antonio dressed as a green solider…)  but not without a severe hitch when the getaway car is stolen and they’re forced to run from police in an occupied Taxi! Now on the run the group (now joined by hesitant accomplice Calvo the Taxi driver) the group soon decide to hole up in a small town called Zugarramurdi, unfortunately for them this is where the real trouble begins as the town is really a base for a psychotic coven of man eating (quite literally) witches who are hellbent on making them into dinner and heralding the male apocalypse with Sergio as their unholy chosen one!

 

A deliciously politically incorrect, hysterically in your face social commentary about the on going battle of the sexes that comes across as a wonderful mixture of Evil Dead 2, Dusk Til Dawn and Hocus Pokus,  WITCHING AND BITCHING is a whimsical tongue in cheek romp that delivers laughs, insanity and terror in equal amounts.

The acting here was great all the way around but my favorite character didn’t pop up until the third act in the form of the surprisingly helpful and polite (though completely insane) Luismi. amazingly unbroken by severe abuse by his mother and sister (both witches) the scaly skin covered, lanky mad man’s friendliness and willingness to help the outsiders fight his family made for some great absurd humor.

 

The effects here were amazingly well done, particularly in the case of a monster that shows up (we won’t talk about what it is as it would be a spoiler) who is done fully in CG but is virtually flawless. American filmmakers need to take note, if something like this can be created on a miniscule independent budget then there is no excuse for the shoddy CG crap we see all the time in billion dollar movies.

The cinematography here appears to be 35mm and has that same gorgeously dark Gothic otherworldly quality I’ve come to associate with Iglesia’s work, particularly in the night scenes that make up the majority of the film. I must say I also loved seeing the beautiful and quaint little town of  Zugarramurdi, which had a character unlike anything we’ll ever see here in the states.

Overall I give this film 2 middle fingers chopped off and sanded to the bone. It does for witches what Shaun of The Dead did for zombies and more and I can’t wait to see what Iglesia throws at us next!

FANATICISM IS FANATICISM : A Review Of LEARNING HEBREW:A Gothsploitation Movie

 

I'm a spiritual person, and i in my heart of hearts hope everyone will find some sort of spirituality in their lives..With that said I do not believe that unbelievers can be forced into becoming believers by threats of violence, or the creation of laws demanding religious adherence . Violence and threat only breed confusion, resistance, and eventually..war,much like what we see in the vibrantly strange LEARNING HEBREW:A Gothsploitaion Movie

LEARNING HEBREW introduces us to a world where the goverment has succedded in implimenting laws demanding all citizens dismiss the idea of natural selection and accept that the world was created by an inteligent creator, to counteract this, Bella and her group of Goth party-kid friends have taken to traveling door to door to spread the message of Charles Darwin, But they do not stand unopposed in their journey as they are continuous attacked by a pair of  over enthusiastic Agnostics. Things get worse when The Atheist Revolution Army (a group obsessed with meeting violence with violence and killing anyone who adheres to religious doctrine as well as those who refuse to act in violence against those people) Take an active stand in things.

With it's dark message, Vibrant colors, almost otherworldly characters and strange stoytelling teqnique which ignores the relevencey of time, logic, and in fact  revelency itself, LEARNING HEBREW is one of the most unique viewing expirences you're likely to ever see. 

If you're looking for a comparison to another film I'd venture to compare it to  Trainspotting, only due to it's subjective elements and bizzare, yet gripping imagry.

The religious fanatics are likely to dismiss this film as a propeganda movie pushing atheism but i beg to differ. The underlying message i got from this film was the hypocritical nature of those on both sides of the argument.

Take the Goverment in this story, pushing what they supposedly believe is a universal truth, but having such fear of such a small group of unbelivers as to meet them with violence, they are the ones who claim to believe in a higher calling from a creator of some sort and yet they are the ones destroying life and creating a docturine of fear where any true God would want them spreading one of love and peace.

The supposed opposite found in The Atheist Revolution Army is really a carbon copy of the government's reign of terror, doing the exact same thing by trying to force believer's to give up their belief through violence, terror and a demand that they adhere to no Religious doctrine.

The middle ground found in Bella and her group is the most hypocritical of all however for a number of reasons.

 The most obvious of which being the Goth lifestyle combined with the Atheist idea..You'd be hard pressed to find a lifestyle more ritualistic and symbol obsessed then the goths, from the elaborate makeup to the tribal-like dance parties, The Goth lifestyle could be considered a religion in and of itself!

 But the hypocrisy of this group is much farther reaching then that. This a group that will only consume vegan food and claim to shun violence, but live within a world of self mutilation and have no quarrels whatsoever about kidnapping a homeless man, forcefully piercing his septum, apparently drugging him and then bringing him to a dance club and then later in the story leaving the same homeless man in the street to die, after they mow him down with their Van just because to call an ambulance would make them late to a party!

 These kids aren't true atheists because they do believe in the worship of something..The worship of self and the pursuit of mindless self indulgence (which..technically speaking would make them satanists but..who am i to label?)

I saw this film as more of a social comentary on how self serving all of us, religious and nonreligious alike are becoming as we all adhere to a preset idea and become so obsessed with it that we loss our humanity completely. That it doesn't matter wheter we adhere to belief or the denouncing of belief, fanaticism is fanaticism and in the end if we completely dedicate ourselves beyond thought to any system of thought, no matter what it is, be it religion or natural selection, we close ourselves  to learning and adapting and in doing so lose our humanity

I give this film no middle fingers up. It's a wild ride and one that is truly one of a kind. If you want a film that will lead to some interesting and thought provoking philosophical discussions and debates amongst friends. then  this is definitely your movie. 

 

 

 

TALES FROM THE JOEL: A review of WYNKOOP TALES and THE JOEL

 

you are a fan of shot on video b-movies chances are you know who Joel D Wynkoop is. Having acted in 160 films (and counting)

and directed 24, Wynkoop has been a staple of the indie film world since the early 80s without an end in sight.

What you may not know is that despite specializing in loud angry characters, Joel is one of the nicest guys on the planet.

When we reviewed Lost Faith Joel reached out to me and since then we have been friends.

When he asked me to check out his two newest features and share my thoughts i was

delighted to oblige..Unfortunately that was the same time my blu ray player shit the bed.

Two weeks went by and i got a new player…which also wouldn’t play the discs.

Poor Joel has been waiting months for this review now.

I finally got my hands on a laptop and popped in The Wynkoop Tales and The Joel Wynkoop Action Pack for the first time.

THE WYNKOOP TALES focuses on Barry, a nerdy out of work writer desperately trying to catch the attention of a publicist and get one of his ideas made into a film.

Too bad Barry’s ideas aren’t all that great as we are treated to a barrage of silly off kilter horror tales featuring the of a rapidly deteriorating marriage,The tale of a worried

wife who finds more than she expected when she hires a private detective, the tale of A journalist persuing a death cult,

Packed to the brim with wonderful overacting,goofy stock sounds and music, questionable yet creative camerawork and stories so out there and bad (in an awesome way)

that genre fans like myself will be sure to love it.

My favorite short here was the story of the wife who hires the private investigator. The out of nowhere twist and seemingly nonsensical turn of events (sorry to be vague but trying not to

spoil anything) give it a twilight zone meets public access at 4am feel that i really got a kick out of.

The cinematography here was video like we have grown to expect from Joel and i know some reviewers and critics will shit on this little number for that but damned if

I don’t love the way this thing looks and feels as if i just got it off the shelf of a long forgotten big dog video store from my youth. Shooting on video tends to actually

cost more than going digital in the long run of things so i think Joel and his wife Catherine activly decided to go with a vhs feel to make fans like myself happy and it works.

the acting here was that special kind of off that Joel brings to the table and you can tell Joel and wife Catherine directed the other actors to go full speed ham and have fun.

Ive always admired how Joel not only doesn’t get offended by the B movie label but embraced it and really threw himself into the mix. It should be also be

noted that Joel and Catherine make at least an 8th of the cast, playing every set of main characters even when doing so is hilarious like in one scene where Catherine Plays Joel’s daughter!

This is the first time I have seen a film he co-directed with his wife, It’s inspiring to see how well these two work together.

If all that isn’t enough than the fact that as soon as you put this dvd in you get greeted by Joel himself rapping about Tim Ritter’s Truth Or Dare should settle the

debate on wheter or not you should pick it up.

The only issue i had with this release (and the next one I will be discussing) is the cover artwork. Both come in plainish orange with a few photos on the front and back.

These films deserve better packing and I hope that we will see a rerelease in the future that does just that.

Overall I give THE WYNKOOP TALES no middle fingers up. It may not be for everyone but that’s ok, this one was purely a love letter from Joel to us hardcore fan and we got it

loud and clear buddy we love you too keep up the insanity.

NOT ANOTHER IMITATION "80’S" SLASHER MOVIE…OK IT IS BUT STILL:A REVIEW OF THE PORKCHOP FILMS

 

Porkchop is one of those movies that slasher fanatics like myself scour the internet for. it’s one

of those films that everyone has heard of but it seems that no one has seen. Myself, and alot of

my fellow horror fiends have already gone through all the greats, the boggiemen if you will, the

likes of Jason and Freddy, Leatherface and Harry, even the alien killers like the Borrower and

we’re fast running out of films to watch with new and intresting killers to tear apart annoying teens

\and equally annoying camp counslers. Enter Porkchop.

Porkchop is a pig face and dirty overall wearing morbidly obese chainsaw weilding (well mostly

chainsaw he also utilizes other things such as lawn darts ,axes, croquet mallets and other things..ok

so maybe not so many other things just those three things but we’ll get to that)

Porkchop came to be when as a boy his pigfarmer father slaughtered his pet pig then locked him in

a shed attempting to force the boy to eat the pig’s varioius parts. the little boy refused and instead

lived off mice and other things for several months (they must have had one hell of an infestation)

Until finally escaping and first killing his parents and then escaping to a summer camp where he

dispatched everything else that moved (this was only explained, not actually shown which is one

of the biggest mistakes in a long line made in this film and the following films) 

An undisclosed

ammount of years later a group of friends (a slut, a slutty cheeleader, an unhappy couple, a really

 obnoxious english punk rocker, a nerd and the nerd’s horny obnoxious robot) Then comes almost an hour of driving and random useless scenes of dialog, mostly unheard due to really shoddy audio

quality. 

The kills when we get to them are very rushed, alot is left to the imagination which is ok

in a hitchcock film but when we’re talking about a shot on video slasher film we the fans expect

more. the other big problem that comes to mind is elron, the obnoxious robot. nothing more then

a walmart bin, dryer hoses an old computer monitor and a furnace vent, elron, other then being

 pushed along by somone offscreen in some scenes remains completly imobile! How hard would it have

been for somone (perhaps the aforementioned offscreen crew memeber) to move his arms or head occasionally?

What’s the point of having the character in the first place if you don’t plan to utilize it?

Theres even a scene where Elron is “having sex” with one of the female leads and the girl’s skirt

is down covering any point of entery and we can clearly see that the “huge” robot cock is nonexistant! come now! How difficult would it be to make a fake dong for your robot! use an old spraypaint can and a chopped and half tennis ball, add two more tenis balls for nuts, spray paint the whole silver and BAM! your robot has a cock! In another scene our punk rocker takes a shit in

a fireplace for no dicerable reason and then pulls his pants up and sits in the shit by accident

only to later on in the film reapper with the ass of his jeans completly shit free! what the fuck

guys! two year olds make fake shit all the time! it may sound disgusting but if a character sits

in shit I EXPECT TO SEE SHIT ON HIS PANTS! in yet another scene a chearleader gets a chainsaw

(on….a….stick?) shoved up her vagina and all we see is her spitting up blood, apparently having

an orgasm and then falling out of the tree she has climbed to escape Porkchop…GOD DAMN IT! This

could have been the coolest kill scene ever! Rig a fuckin dummy and cut the fucker in half crotch

first guys! For the love of god! they set up the joke 20 minutes earlier most of us sat through

this thing JUST FOR THAT KILL and this was all we got!!! the scene where porkchop is defeated is completely

nonsential as well. Porkchop gets moonshine on him and then said moonshine starts on fire and

torches the fuck out of him..makes sense right? so one of the survivors lit the moonshine..ok.

Anticlimatic as all hell but it works i guess…EXCEPT NO ONE HAD A LIGHTER, A MATCH A FUCKIN

CIGARETTE NOTHING!!! Porkchop just spontaniously combusts out of nowhere WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!

Now before you read this and say “Man fuck this movie, sounds like it sucks” and skip it, let

me stop my mean spirited tirade to say this. there were quite a few funny momments to be found

here. the comadore 64 references will definatly bring a smile to the faces of nerds of the olden

days, Elron can be downright hilarious at times and the 2 rednecks who run the general store as well as

the weirdo hillbilly with the “you’re doomed” routine were laugh out loud funny. which is

strange considering every other review i’ve seen for these films stated these characters

were grating and unneeded i disagree strongly. they save this movie and make it watchable.

Porkchop himself also has a kickass backstory and i really enjoyed his look (farmer jed from hotel

hell crossed with leatherface) but the actor in the costume could have done alot more with

body language and movement which was quite a disapointment. Overall the first Porkchop was a

cool idea and it had it’s momments that definatly make it worth a glance, the first kill is

epic and the performance of the rednecks was steller overall i give it 1 middle finger up due

to the problems i listed above. it would have worked far better if they had cut out all the filler

and simply made it a short film. Now on to the sequel..let’s see if these boys learned anything from

the mistakes of the first film

PORKCHOPS starts off with what have to be the ugliest lesbians since Easter Bunny Bloodbath One of whom has a skeletal manish face addorned with the

grossest most boogerlike mole ever recorded and the other whom could have easly passed for a fat emo boy. We get to see their tits (although not sure what kind

of sick fuck wanted to to begin with) before (thankfully before we have to endure anymore gross badly simulated sapharic love) PorkChop shows up and kills the two lovbirds

the first kill is very anticlimatic, (he simply steps on the head of the lesbian who is doing falatio on her lover until she sufficates in her vagina) but they make up

for it with the second kill where our favorite pig faced antipacifist shoves a farmer’s hole puncher into the abdomen of the second lesbian, ripping out her intestines.

We also get our first glance of Porkchop himself, who apparently went on the slim fast diet for Psychos as he is now half the size he was in the first film. This is

ok, however because this can explained by him being, not the same porkchop from the first film but a copycat, as implied in the end of the first. And it also lent me hope

that perhaps the makers of the films realized they needed a new hillbilly with more flare for mime acting to don the overalls and pigface.

Soon after the first two kills we meet simon and his family who have recently purchased the house formally owned by Porkchop’s family. WHy are they moving here you

ask? Because times are rough and his dad lost his job and they got a “good deal on the place”…if you’re scratching your head at this logic you arn’t alone, but hey

it’s a slasher film not what dreams may come part 2 (thank GOD!!) and these things arn’t exactly revered for their complex storylines and stuff making sense.

We also soon find out that Simon’s dad is a complete prick who, kicks Simon out of the car and forces him to walk, in simon’s own words “really far” along the

way he meets meg, another “teenager” who makes her fun by putting on a plastic pig mask, then jumping out and punching people in the face before shouting “you’ve

been pork chopped bitch” and (according to what she says) ….throwing fake blood all over them..?(she never does this to simon but ok) she mistakes simon for a

handicapped boy and so pulls her spiel on him and then quickly apologizes when she realizes he’s not the afformentioned handicaped boy and offers to walk him home.

(apparently assaulting a handicapped person is completly ok but doing this to somone who’s new in town is completly unheard of) We find out very quickly that meg is a

bit of a Porkchop buff..to say the least and when she finds out Simon lives in his old house she quickly befriends him. which leads to…random singing sequences..?

WHAT THE FUCK!!?  Perhaps i missed out in high school but i don’t recall any uncorographed random singing when i first met somone..i’m guessing that alot of drugs were

done when these sequences were done, and maybe this seemed funny when it was being written but for me it just made it so i now offically wanted every character i’ve met

so far to be killed, and horribly…but, once again, this IS a slasher so maybe that’s a good thing. As we go we meet more and more cannon foder for Porkchop, we learn

that the school is populated by rapists, disease spreading rich kids and all around bullies, we also get the first offscreen kills when 2 rednecks are attacked by

Porkchop and…apparently hung up with intestines attached to their belts….? And of course we get a montage, a montage of a teacher teaching his class about

Porkchop. Why the dialog was removed and replaced by annoying rock music is beyond me i can only guess that the sound was so bad that it was unusable so perhaps they

did learn somthing from the first film’s shortcomings. We do get a return of the redneck store owners (one of which has been replaced by a very gay very fat black man

for some reason…? this would bother me more if he wasn’t so fuckin funny and if it wasn’t so obviously a thought out decison to make this replacment) And once again

these two characters have brought some life into an otherwise dead on it’s feet horror flick.

Our next kill happens when a couple of horny teens (one of which is another hideous girl we get to see topless..am i seeing a trend start?) have very quick, supposedly

funny offscreen sex. Porkchop shows up and shoves a bong through one teenager’s head while he’s smoking from it (a cool if very fast effect) and drags the girl off

for YET ANOTHER OFFSCREEN KILL!!! (guys if you don’t have the budget for 2 kills don’t give us 2 victims this isn’t rocket science! And for the love of god no offscreen sex EVER!)

 When Simon’s parent’s have to return to… “the city” because the

movers never showed up with their things and they have to try to go track them down, they leave simon alone with the house and a few dollars and him and meg

make the decision any set of teenagers who completly despise their asshole classmates would make..they have a party and invite their asshole classmates! And said

asshole classmates decide they think hanging out with two people they likewise despise is an awsome idea, not because they will get free beer but because of the

address on the invitations..is this because they’re thrill seekers and want to party in the old house of the notorious Porkchop? NOPE it’s because it’s the new kid’s

house and they all want to “Kick his ass and give him a wedgie” WHAT THE FUCK?? lol now you may not realize it because i’m shitting on this movie so much but i

actually enjoyed this scene quite a bit, it’s so godawful and ridiculous that’s it’s offically become so bad it’s good..at least this scene. let’s talk about the rest..

The assholes show up, but first i got the first real suprise in this series when simon is killed..unfortunatly he has the most anticlmatic deathscene in the series

to date. Porkchop just walks past him and cuts his throat…thats it. then when the assholes get to Simon’s house they’re greeted by Meg flashing (although we only see

this from behind…meaning the only time in the film we may have wanted to see a character’s tits we don’t!) they then take off when they realize they won’t be able

to wedgie poor simon afterall. we get more badly simulated sex (this time on screen, although lasting a grand total of 13 seconds or so and featuring a woman with

the physical shape of a 13 year old boy) followed by a hysterically poorly done kill scene where one of the boys dies by having his head gingerly smacked off a tree

with horrible editing in between hits to add blood and then more horrible editing when they switch his head for an obvious rubber head…not to mention his fingers

being chopped off by what appears to be a stick and his hand magicly transformed into a really really bad rubber prop. Another couple winds up in a barn where we

find out from one of our friendly neighborhood asshole 40 year old teens that Porkchop is also a kidnapper and a rapist. followed by girl from the other couple mentioned above being zipped up in a sleeping bag and kidnapped. Then we get a semi-decent kill where a tiki torch is shoved down an annoying 40 (ok this one looked closer to

50) year old teen’s throat and out the back of her head. i say semi-decent due to the complete lack of any blood. this is followed by meg and one of the assholes (who

for undisclosed reasons decided to stay behind and watch tv on simon’s couch) who have just seen tiki torch teen killed, deciding to take action..unfortunatly for them theres

no house phone (why…who knows..sounded good in the script i guess) and theres no cell reception (no one checks this, meg just says so, so we assume, although theres

no reason she would know such things considering she doesn’t seem to own a cellphone, that it’s a fact) and so armed with a knife and a..potato masher..i think..? they

take off into the woods, where they do the logical thing and stop and have a heart to heart conversation…WHAT THE FUCK!!!! We find out that the main asshole is an asshole

because he was molested after a baseball game. He then (thankfully) has his head (bloodlessly) chopped into bits after it miraculously transforms into a pumpkin with

a wig on…a bad wig lmao. theres certain parts i’ll leave out here due to a lack of desire to spoil the suprise (THAT’S RIGHT WE’VE UPGRADED THERES A SUPRISE!) with

the credits we also get a few uneeded and unfunny bloopers and afterwards one of the worst afterthought add in death scenes ever shot when coolduder (one of my

favorite reviewers just cause he’s so damn friendly) and his family are killed for saying the name porkchop on tv. WHAT THE FUCK GUYS IS PORKCHOP BLOODYMARRY NOW TOO!

WIth the review i just gave you’re probably thinking i’ll give this one a equally as bad or even worse review as the first..well..YOU’RE WRONG! Porkchops is not by

any means a GOOD movie, but then if it was, chances are i wouldn’t be reviewing it to begin with. What it is is fun to watch. The new guy in the porkchop outfit

brought some intresting maneraisms to the character (although alot more is needed to make him one of the greats), while it was filled with alot of uneeded filler

most of it was funny and intentional. the kills (while they still need a fuck load of work) were more creative and more was shown then in the first one, the sound

problems were less reoccuring. there was only a few things that irked me alot about this one.. first off, the moon shots. this film contained about 15 shots of the moon

for no discerable reason. Pork Chop is not a werewolf and adding shots of the moon does nothing to make day for night filter seem any more believable or to add

ominous feelings to the setting. it just felt like more filler to me. secondly, the camera work, often throughout the film we see the camera go in and out of focus

in a film that’s low budget and shot on 35mm this may make sense to leave somthing like this in the movie…but that is not the case with porkchop which is obviously

shot on digital video, not reshooting these blurry out of focus shots was inexcusable and lazy. Third the two rednecks that make this movie funny are barely seen at all.

These guys are the best characters you have UTILIZE THEM! and last and most irking of all, we once again see (or rather don’t see) far to many off screen kills. i say this

constanly. IF THE BUDGET DOESN’T ALLOW A PROPER KILL DON’T KILL THE CHARACTER! with the effects as laughably bad in this film theres no excuse not to add a few more

really shitty kill scenes. THEIR SHITTINESS IS WHAT MAKES THIS MOVIE FUN!!! But once again i have to say this film was a great improvment from the first and was

genuinly fun to watch. I give it 1 middle finger a fourth of the way extended and only because it was so damn lazy with some of the kills and camera problems. I’m

hoping this series will continue and continue to get better as it goes and am wondering what these guys could do with backing from one of the bigger indpendents like

Troma Team Video..a move they should definatly consider.

 

THE NOT SO SANE UNIVERSE:a Double Feature Review of BLOW A KISS and SERIAL RABBIT 5 THE EPIC HUNT

 

I love art that submerges me beyond its subject by connecting itself to other art. From the works of Stephen King, to shows like Rick and Morty and Gravity Falls, nothing tickles my fancy more than to discover that some of my favorite stories are connected even in the tiniest ways.

It isn’t often that we get something like this in the world of cinema outside of the marvel and DC franchises (and in these cases they are simply sequels by another name or cash grabs.)WHAT ABOUT US NUTJOBS WHO WANT MORE!?

one man heard my cry and created an entire universe of interconnecting films just for us!(Ok, so he did that a decade ago and has no clue who i am, but fuck doesn’t my way sound way more interesting?)

That man is director Brett William Mauser and for the first time we are taking a trip into his universe, Not so Sane Universe with BLOW A KISS, and SERIAL RABBIT 5:THE EPIC HUNT

BLOW A KISS introduces Joy, a recovering heroin addict desperate to get her daughter back. When Joy breaks down at a dive bar with no gas money she finds herself taking a job from a dangerous group of female meth dealers.

All joy has to do is kill their rival dealer and deliver a stolen thumbdrive and they’ll give her everything she needs in order to be reunited with her little girl.

Everything goes smoothly and she is reunited with her daughter to live happily ever after…just fucking with you! Everything goes to hell and Joy must fight to survive!

It’s a pretty ballsy move to make a low budget action movie.

Nine times out of ten these turn out to be so inept and cliche that we wind up with a run of the mill Hollywood shit storm without the budget to even dress it up…Thankfully, Mauser isn’t an idiot and this isn’t an action movie..or not exactly

Chock full of dialog heavy scenes that actually work due to their hilarity and absurdity, BLOW A KISS manages to repeatedly make the viewer think he knows what is next only to fly off in increasingly wild and unexpected directions.

The acting here was surprisingly good and in the few cases where that’s not the case Mauser was sure to keep said questionable actors in the background or they were quickly dispatched

The character of Joy reminded me of a female Ash Williams, coming across as a bumbling scaredy cat before blossoming into a bra clad, blood spattered, gun toting broad out for bloodshed until the final reveal kicks you in the balls and flips everything you thought you knew on its forehead!

The special effects here were almost exclusively of the CG variety but even that didn’t get on my nerves too much and was showcased in a snapcut matter that made it mostly work and slot of the cheesier effects were clearly done intentionally and good naturedly.

The music here also scores high with this reviewer, consisting of a variety of southern and alternative rock that Glens brilliantly with the Texas setting.

Overall I give this this film two middle fingers chopped off and sanded to the bone. It’s cheesy, exciting and it worked wonders to draw me in to seeking out the rest of The Not So Sane Universe.

SERIAL RABBIT 5:THE EPIC HUNT is the continued story of the above named bad bunny. In this film the city is once again being terrorized by the serial rabbit, or rather a new killer possessed by the former killer’s suit. The original killer is broken out of hell and with the help of a demon, a former cop and a criminally inclined swinger couple must reunite with his suit to stop the massacre once and for all.and save the world, but when the new killer kills the daughter of a crime boss a necrophiliac, a martial artist, a few fatale, a prostitute and…another cop are hired to take him out.

This sounds like an insane mess…and it is, in a batshitly entertaining way!

Each character here is exaggerated and distorted, coming across as what you’d get if Tex Avery had been a skitzo whose illness was being treated with bags of sugar, bath salts and LSD

The acting here is all over the top and fun with my favorite character being the original Serial Rabbit himself. He manages to come across as so damn Ernest and innocent(even when hes eating the chopped off penis of a tranny prostitute)that you can’t help but love the guy..plus he skips when he walks!

The kills (and gore in general) are few and far in between and most are (once again) CG but since this is more of a comedy adventure/slasher parody than an actual slasher film im ok with that.

This film (and it’s predecessors) have gotten a lot of shit from reviewed who unfairly compare it to films like Peter Rottentail, and BUNNYMAN but honestly this thing is it’s own animal and there is a huge flaw with comparing it to those films as the aim of this movie is to elicit laughter and enjoyment of shock and terror.

Overall I give SERIAL RABBIT 5 two middle fingers chopped off a d sanded to the bone. I only regret not having the first 4 films of the franchise to discuss here.

I have a feeling this is just the beginning of what I hope is a long journey into The Not So Sane Universe