CURSE OF THE KILLER CRACKER: A Review Of KRACKER JACK’D

 

I love a bargain. Besides the fact that I genuinely love bad cheesy movies, I’ve seen alot of oddball shit because I found it at my local Walmart in the dollar bin or while working FYE and couldn’t pass up such a cheap DVD. Not long ago, while re-sorting our used bins for the one hundred billionth time on a slow day I stumbled upon a film I had never heard of with one of the most hysterically bad covers I have ever seen (and trust me that’s saying something.) It featured a fat guy in an extra s-medium shirt with a tool belt full o weapons wearing a hockey mask, sunglasses and..troll hair (I’m not sure why..maybe the cover art designer was really drunk) and holding an obviously fake dollar store chainsaw from a kids’ Halloween costume. In the background we get some of the most over the top stereotypical black folks ever to live screaming in terror. Quickly flipping this bad boy over I read the synopsis and realized I was holding a blaxploitation horror/comedy. I pulled out my two bucks quicker then Eddie Murphy on 2 dollar transsexual Tuesday and officially became the proud owner of KRACKER JACK’D

When My shift ended I ran home and for shits and giggles I IMDB’d the title. Every review I found was bad. Some complained about the annoying characters, some even went as far as to claim it perpetuated racial stereotypes but all agreed on one thing, this movie was shit. I threw it in the trash and whined about wasting two dollars The End…YEAH FUCKING RIGHT! I was more excited then ever to watch this thing!

KRACKER JACK’D opens with Playa, Bling Bling, Spliff and Carlton, four college homies preparing preparing to throw the best party ever at their new place. While handing out flyers they’re approached by the campus Wigga, Kracker Jack. All Jack wants is an invite so he can get some chocolate strange but when he drops the N-bomb one to many times a thorough ass whopping is delivered. The group leaves him beaten and knocked out and continue setting up for the party. Everything is going to plan with bud, booze and broads for everyone until and uninvited party guest shows up and bodies are soon added to the aforementioned B’s!

I didn’t expect much from this movie and I have to say I was delightfully surprised. It’s ridiculously stupid, yes but I think previous reviewers miss the point here. This is an over the top exhibition of accepted stereotypes exaggerated to a comical degree…IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE STUPID!

The acting here is more hammy then Porky Pig butt fucking Petunia on a pile of pork chops. Kracker Jack himself has to be the most ludicrous with his rolled pant leg, too large sunglasses and need to shout everything he says with an urban accent thicker then Janet Reno’s nut sack. This fella had me in stitches. He’s what would happen if Big B, Everlast and Marky mark got tossed into a blender with Copper Cab and some crunk juice and whatever emerged was smacked in the head with a bat, handed a blunt and told to audition for Jamie Kennedy’s role in Malibu’s Most Wanted! Bling Bling was another favorite of mine with his need to express everything he says with some of the worst rapping since K-Fed and seemingly genuine confusion to the most basic things imaginable.

Playa was actually played rather straight faced, coming across as a mostly normal stand up type dude but his thing for breaking into song? Holy shit, man that cracked me up. Let’s be honest. We all have that one friend who’s going to be the next Usher. You know ,the dude who looks you dead in the eye and tells you his mamma says he sings like an angel, sings something about some random off the head shit in a voice that sounds like Susan Ball getting raped by baboons then says “that there is gonna go platinum!”? Yeah that’s our boy Plays.

The kills here are cheesy and over the top to a cartoonish degree. I mean one dude gets his throat cut while waiting for a chick to come back with a pack of smokes and then spends a a good three minutes going “Oh Lawd! Over a pack of cigarettes! This bitch! Oh Lawd” Then tries to smoke with a cut throat spurting blood when she comes back with the smokes! Another guy smokes a blunt while being chocked and manages to stay alive for an hour just to die at 4:20! This shit isn’t bad movie gold it’s fucking shit diamonds man!

The visual gags a re abundant and hysterical. My favorite is when Playa and a chick he hooks up with at the party are running back to the house from the Jacuzzi to warn everyone that there is a killer on the loose and the run lasts for at least to minutes and Playa is so Ashy from the tub water that he’s literally covered in white powder and is leaving a mile long tail of huge piles of it behind him! Once again, shit diamonds! Toss in a a surprise twist coupled with an ending that’s completely nonsensical and you’ve got yourself one hell of a fun flick!What I liked about this one was, yeah it’s dumb, it’s over the top, it’s sophomoric and crude (there’s even a necrophiliac fellatio resurrection scene..why the fuck aren’t you watching this RIGHT NOW!!!?) but it also has a fair level of innocence about it. It never comes across as mean spirited or harmful. It’s silly in the same way that Race War:The Remake was. You can tell the cast and crew had alot of fun with it and that fun really shines through in this reviewer’s opinion.

I honestly feel like the assholes on IMDB who talked shit about this one saw it just so they could complain. I mean come on ya’ll! You picked up a movie called Kracker Jack’d with a cover like that and expected it not to be stupid? That’s like picking up a copy of Shaving Ryan’s Privates and complaining about the lack of pussy shots! What The Fuck!

Personally I fucking loved this shit and I can’t wait to see more from Chad Hendricks. I give this one 2 middle fingers chopped off and sanded to the bone. If you like bad modern blaxploitation in the spirit of Holla if You Hear Me Kill You, t

hen you’ll love it too.